My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
