Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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