Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
