I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
