By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
