barbara walters just said penis...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Randomize
