Heybabeimwearingurpanties
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
