I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
