that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
