There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize