I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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