Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
