Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
