but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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