Grow some girl-balls and come out already
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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