Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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