I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
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