The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
