I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
