Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
