don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Never joke about your clitoris.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
