doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
