My sheets look like a crime scene.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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