Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
