Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
