would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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