when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
