i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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