ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
