You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
