I smell stomach acid.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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