im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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