Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
