I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
