One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
