What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
