Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My bed smells like the plague
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