He had one of those small greek statue penises
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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