Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
