if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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