So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
