My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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