I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize