Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
