the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
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