I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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