I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
