I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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