I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
