we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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