I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
