so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize