I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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