Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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