Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My dick has a subreddit
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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