as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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