I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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