how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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