She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
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Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
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He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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