We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
