i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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