I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
