Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
