So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
