Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
