I will die if light touches me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
