i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
