Define "chronic" masturbator.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
