So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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