What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
