DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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