If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
