I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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