your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
