ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
