He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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