he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
